my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
