Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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