I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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