Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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