I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
