A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
