It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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