sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
