I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
