My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
