worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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