How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
