Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
