Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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