my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
