12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
