So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
