Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
