Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
