How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
