I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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