forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
