She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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