My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
