24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
