He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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