I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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