Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
