you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
