she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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