I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
