3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
