There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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