To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
