last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My life is pants optional.
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