dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
