She's JV to your varsity
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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