Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
