We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
