Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
