I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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