You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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