My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
