I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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