I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
