I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
