Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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