a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
