Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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