You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
