In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
